Returnerf

Hey there guys, its been a while and it is my hope to begin more seriously posting reviews in the hop of a few followers. As you may have noticed, not to long ago I had a guest review do a movie; much thanks to him for the time. I plan on doing guest reviews every once in a while, and to also, hopefully keep up a constant review time table.
so without further nonsense talk!

TRANSMORPHERS TWO


This a sequel to a movie review that you may (or hopefully don't) remember, in which I complained on instances of hideous basic things such as GUNS
and basically anything that would have even made this at all entertaining.
WELL THIS ONE CONTINUES IN THE FIRT'S LEGACY.

Characters

I've sorta come to the conclusion that in all the B movies I've watched there really, is no clear point in remembering the characters names, you might as well describe them by tab numbers so that at lest when they die you don't have to F**king refile in your mind who the HELL he was.
Our main character in this novel is a recently returned Iraqi war veteran (to make "MODERN" just in case you forgot what the hell Iraq was)
He was a "drone" controller, this being necessary due to the fact that at lest ONE person in the small backwater this all takes place in that knows a little about machines.
We also have the mayor who later becomes a tribal leader of sorts when the machines take over. It was mildly galling if only because he was even more stereo typical African American then even I would have thought. Well lest he didn't die, so I suppose threes that.
Theres a techi FBI agent that comes that helps out as far as questions and doing any sort of computer work that might otherwise bore us. She also proves to be the comedy relief despite what I had origionally thought, so I spose theres that.
We also have the lady folk that fitting straight in does nothing, says little, and further more is annoying to extremes that would even make machines pimp slap her.
I have a feeling she'd still be annoying even without a head though.

PLOT

Its noteworthy to point out that this plot as well as this entire movie is merely an attempt made much like the first to reap the rewards of an already popular movie. Its actual existence is drawn to a fine point in the hopes of dollar profits.
What this story involves is a small...
SMALL
town seeing the horrible doom that is the machines coming. We have the returned veteran going to repair his ex's tv (look at me! I can be an emotionally movie hur hur!)
While figuring it out the satellite randomly turns into a big ass robot and he's like W-T-F mate?!
after one hilariously ridiculous hour later of running, driving, random wandering and vague explanations they find that they must stop these robots from giving a signal to all their alien bro straps. FROM THE RADIO TOWER.
anyways they think they do it and end up not really, flashing forward a year (the movie seemed about as long as the freakishly silly tacked on extra last half) and we find the robots coming again.
kill peeps, forcing em underground, being generally evil without really truly making any sense.
Our main character and lady decide to stop them with others such as the mayor and the techie gal. It seems these robots are gonna terraform the planet. They blow it up and essentially make all the planet uninhabitable.
We end the movie with a copy and pasted scene from a DIFFRENT movie it was ripping off (terminators..? o_O) of the main character stating, "You are not alone, they may take our land they may do shit, etc, etc we are the resistance, and I am John Conn- err wait."
OK so maybe it wasn't like that but you get the gist.

Animation/Budget
If you consider only having four robots throughout the entire movie a "good" thing then this movie is up your ally, in fact its knocking at your door like a poor auto company. We had a satellite robot, a cellphone robot and lastly a strange bee...thing robot, but you know big. Cus otherwise it'd have just been to gay. Other then that the only really "improvement" over the first was the fact that the fake gun shooting was less noticeable with what might have ACTUALLY have been blanks. But I could be wrong.

The Bad
Besides being a sickly attempt at some money there is really to many things in this movie that made even the hardest of souls wish for a long prune bathing session. Honestly the acting was bad, the characters dull and plot had no reason other then to maybe (thats a LARGE maybe.) explain the events that caused the second movie. Which I hate to say was just a TAD more interesting. Did I mention all of this happens in nowere's ville? I mean why there? Why are these guys supposedly the last alive or the last to go underground? What gives?

What I liked
The one maybe only redeeming quality of this mash of trash was a certain techie character. Sure her voice grated like a unsharpened hack saw, but the snarky comments were worth it. Its like she read the script and realised that her entire life had in fact mounted to this one moment, and that this moment, was fucking SHIT. You could almost drink the hate off her voice. Most of the characters had varying levels of this tone but it was in this one character that so well exemplifies the badness of all that was seen here. `