Alien Vs Hunter (The knockoff session continues...)
Alright I get really bored and lazy and forget to update and sorry avid readers (Thats YOU makan!!!) So heres to me reviewing more movies.
hopefully
maybe
sometimes....
on and off.
I figured that sense I had already reviewed a movie called Transmorphers a cheep knock off of transformers I'd review another knock off of a favorite franchisee of mine.
BEHOLD THE AWESOME THAT IS ALIEN VS HUNTER!
The Characters
This is my lest faviorate parts of my reviews because a lot of the time I forget names or have watched the movie I'm review a year or two ago and you know
its a b movie
not aka known for there memorabilia.
anyways the main character is a park ranger and his partner (shortly killed) some men of women of the forests (love interests etc, and loveable black humor man *sorry this is just how it works mister man*)
We also have the two most important characters in the movie!!! Hunter (drum roll) and Alien
I think they should have otherwise been called Tin man and Blurry shit mobile.
The Hunter literally moved like his joints had rusted and his last breath was being used to take a constipated crap walk.
Not to mention his "gadgets" (you know x-ray vision! Everyones got one!!!) basically all they seemed to do were make his vision worse and his accuracy worse (I'm not going to consider the fact that his gun was crap because when I imagine Aliens/Hunters, I imagine them WITHOUT guns worse then a BBgun)
The Alien was a seemingly spider like creature that the camera made a big deal of only showing the upper half due to poor animation of the spider portion of the body. Which as we know is for a diffrent section. Anyways basically Blurry Shit mobile that also had a view that seemed lest affective to its mode of attack (Hiding in tunnels and BLEHING people)
The Plot
Anyways we find an alien space ship crashed on earth in a national park/area/thing were the local national park rangers find it and the partner is insta killed by a waving plastic upper torso of a spider creature.
The main character makes a couple shots (all ineffective as all human guns tend to be.) and runs to some campers to scare the crap out of them so they all start running like chickens without their heads. Along the way they figure out that theres a hunter hunting said alien; who they assume is alien himself (must have been the rusty joints), and make vauge and unaware plans of making them fight each other and other such incredible unintelligent plans when you consider THEIR IN A PARK
*idiots don't know where the exit is or WHAT?!*
Anyways they end up going in a farm house; trying to fight the both involving tin man wrestling and killing one man, and some other fun interesting rolls in the hay (yea those kind.)
Theres a passage in the farm that leads a bewildering passage of more talking and more tunnel BLEHING of shit mobile.
I lost interest as I'm sure you have by now so I won't waste your time
TIMEEEE!!!!
By the way the Hunter kills the alien goes back to his ship and ends up being a human.
...
That explains the poor aim I guess...
Animation/Budget
Do I have to mention the blurry legs of the shit-wait sorry Alien? This is my normal rant were I cry over the misuse of a generally ALRIGHT/GOOD costume, simply because they ASSUMED it needed spider legs.
OK thats cool
BUT IF YOU DON'T HAVE THE BUDGET FOR IT DON'T DO IT!!!
AndWHENwhen has blurring or using slow camera tricks EVER been interesting in a fight scene?! I don't want to see a talon slowly *slowmoooooooo* pierce though a mans chest ESPECIALLY if its badly done.
Better to have it go though it fast and then go though ANOTHER person torso.
Then two people are dead and theres more gore! Audience satisfied.
Things I Hatedhated HATEEEE!
Okkkk
What was with those views? You know it was alright when the did it in the origional predator because that was the new "thing" and it was cool.
NOT IN 2005! OR whenever this thing was made!!!
I don't want to see some heat blob get killed! I want A DUDE TO GET KILLED!
THOUGH EYES
YOU HAVE THOSE RIGHT?!
naw stupid aliens....I got super heat seeking smell sent-of-death.
Uh Huh.
Things I...loved? ;_;
I actually though it was HILARIOUS when, after watching the movie that the mask for the Hunter was UTTERLY diffrent from that on the cover!!!
What-whawait!
You have a super awesome mask thing cover of doom and you replace it with what looks like a trash can with optical lenses?! HA! lawlz....
good times.
Also the BLEHING of the Alien in the tunnels was mildly entertaining.
NOW TO GO KILL MORE BRAIN CELLS!
